Time passed and my dad began dating. I wasn’t quite ready for that as I was still mourning the death of my mother. I found a new job, however, my relationship with my dad was broken. I disconnected from my family as it was hard to be around them without my mom. I was depressed internally but I looked happy externally.
My husband wasn’t working and I really wanted to be the best wife for him. So I decided to make him feel like he was the head of our family by sending my paycheck into his account to pay all the bills. Once the bills were paid, we would live off what was left. Well, instead of paying the bills he would take my paychecks to wine and dine women. I was working and he was dating. Therefore, foreclosure letters began to come. He received them all and never uttered a word to me until one day I so happened to check the mail. The moment I realized I was losing my home was the moment I should have walked away. But with losing my mom, a now broken relationship with my dad; I just couldn’t lose anyone else.
We moved around for awhile but eventually, we ended up in a hotel. At this point, I was tired of the cheating, lies, and lack of responsibility. One of my co-worker’s made a ‘pass’ at me and I took him up on his offer and within two days of our little affair, my husband caught us. My husband became physically abusive and explained that even though he cheated time after time he never thought I would. My husband reached out to the guy’s wife which ended things completely with him and I. However, my husband was still treating me as if I was sleeping around.
Finally, I became pregnant with my husband’s child. He was excited and I was happy. But reality began to set in when you are working a good job but coming home to a hotel room to an abusive-cheating husband. I remember asking God to give me a way of this mess. I personally don’t believe in divorce. Marriage is until death.
One day, a friend called and asked me to look at the husband’s criminal record. I was a little upset as to why she was looking him up, however, today I am so thankful to her. His criminal record showed that he was charged with a with Bigamy in 2006 (the year we were married). I contacted my local county clerk’s office and was told I wasn’t married to this man???!!! Most women would have been heartbroken and sad but I was happy! I felt like God answered my prayers. I called a girlfriend of mine and told her I was coming to stay with her. I haven’t heard from him since that day. I reconnected with my dad and explained what all had happened.
After a few months of living with my girlfriend, I got my own place and began to prepare for the arrival of my son. I was a mess! One day I decided to stop my depression and start living. I knew I had to make serious changes. I was more than 300lbs, living paycheck to paycheck with nothing going for myself. I felt like a robot. It was time to recharge my faith in God. I knew I had to embrace my experience. Soon after designing my life through faith, I took on a new journey and returned to school for my Masters. Something about having Faith in God and in yourself creates the determination you need to succeed. In the midst of completing grad school, I purchased a new home. In 2016 I completed my Master’s program. I knew the sky was not the limit, so I enrolled in a Ph.D. program. I adopted two children, opened a fashion boutique and now I can say I am so thankful for my Ex. He taught me life lessons that my parents were not equipped to teach me. He taught me the difference between strength and weakness. He taught me how to get up and keep pushing no matter the obstacles. He taught me how to depend on God.
Now I am a single Mother of three, a doctoral student, full-time employee, homeowner and a businesswoman. This is my story of overcoming the pain and defeating all odds.
Written By: Seanyea J. Rains