Author: Elle Clarke

It’s Valentine’s Day!!!!!

Everyone may not be shouting at the top of their lungs with joy and if you find yourself depressed because you are on the single bus — fear not! My friends and I have compiled this survival guide just for you.

#1

Start your day doing something just for you! Whether it’s a workout you love, meditation you love, talking to your best friend or mom, watching part of your favorite show, dancing around your room, take a bath, etc. If you start the day doing something for your wellbeing, it will get you started on the right foot and into a more stable and less vulnerable headspace for the rest of the day.

Stay off social media: Don’t even think about checking it for a day or two.  You will be bombarded with images of people and their significant others celebrating Valentine’s day, influencers promoting Valentine’s day gifts, and other content that will give you FOMO. If you want to compare your relationship status to others and feel worse about yourself, then social media will do that to you! This includes dating apps to people.

Cry if you need to. It’s OK to feel sad and lonely.  You may be sad and lonely right now but you won’t be forever.  This is just a season of your life where you’re alone and single BUT it may be the only time in your life you will have this much me time so relish in it! Later down the road, you may be swamped with a partner, kids, a booming career, travel, etc.

– Meg Coogan Life Coach -Los Angeles, CA  www.megcoogan.com

#2

Dont’s

DON’T listen to ANYTHING by Adele!

DON’T drink a bottle of wine and look through social media to see what your ex is up to.

DON’T stare at yourself naked in the mirror and point out every flaw in your body.

DON’T drunk text your ex.

DON’T put yourself down for being single

DON’T go to an Anti-Valentine’s Day event. Too negative!

DON’T binge-watch Netflix.

DON’T eat a carton of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.

DON’T forget that Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark holiday created to sell greeting cards.

DON’T feel remorse over your life choices or things that have occurred. You are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be.

– Laurie Berzack, MSW is the founder and owner of Carolinas Matchmaker in Charlotte, North Carolina.

#3

Remember you’re not alone.

Sometimes you can feel like the only single person in the world on Valentine’s Day. In reality, there are millions of single people in the world, and many are very happy so. Being in a relationship doesn’t necessarily lead to more happiness, and there are many couples who would envy your freedom on their more difficult days. Sometimes Valentine’s Day is one of the most stressful times for couples as well.

Change the messages to yourself

Many people have critical self-talk. This is normal and a way we protect yourself from risks and lower expectations. However, it’s often not very helpful and can even contribute to depression. Feb. 14 might be a good time to practice being kinder to yourself. Start with identifying a common negative message you say to yourself and find a kinder version. For example, if you typically say to yourself, “I’m a loser,” try challenging that thought. What is the evidence for and against this? Is this based on a fact, feeling or habit? Is “loser” a fair label? What would a good friend of yours say about this? Once you think through this assumption, find a more balanced statement that you can believe.  Rather than “I’m a loser,” a more appropriate thought maybe, “I’m a bit of a loner, which is okay, however, I do have a couple of close friends and we enjoy each other when we get together.”

Jennie Lannette, LCSW, is a licensed therapist and mental health writer based in Columbia, Mo

#4

You may not have a Valentine, but your dog is heart-eyes emoji for you! Spend the day with your pup and remember that out of everyone on this big blue planet, YOU are your dog’s favorite person!

– Stephanie Virkh http://www.ccbandanas.com/

#5

Write a love letter to yourself. Jot down all of the qualities you love most about yourself. This is a great way to remember that you have inherent worth that isn’t defined by external relationships. This is also a great opportunity to reflect on all of the growth you’ve done while being single and independent.

Lizzie Parmenter, Consultant for Passion Lilie, an ethical clothing line. 

#6

DO WHAT YOU WOULD DO IF YOU WERE IN A RELATIONSHIP:

If you were a couple, would you want to go to dinner, have a box of chocolate or flowers waiting when you get home?  Whatever it is you desire, continue on.  Go have that delicious tasty meal, eat your Godiva and pick out your favorite flowers for your home or desk.  Don’t wait until everything in life is perfect to enjoy yourself, do what you desire now.  Have fun, take selfies, if you don’t want to be alone, call another single friend to join you.  Just do you.

CARRY ON:

Just because the world is focused on Valentine’s day doesn’t mean you have to.  You have goals, dreams, and things to do, continue to carry on.  Don’t be distracted by a holiday that benefits retailers more than consumers.  Play your favorite song and keep moving, do what you normally would do any other day.  Let your life be moved by the tune of the happy song in your heart regardless of what day it is.

SKIP THERAPIST DUTY:

Today is not the day to diagnose yourself, your situation, past relationships.  Now is not the time to mourn all of the mistakes you’ve made previously.  Give yourself a shot of encouragement by not going down memory lane.  Stay in the present, hope for the future, think on what is good, smile and trust that this season in your life will be the best one yet.

– CHANTAY BRIDGES, CNE, SRES Coach, Realtor, Speaker & Writer http://www.losangelesrealestatenow.com

#7

One way to survive is to grab your single girlfriends and head to Hooters!  If you bring a picture of your ex and rip it up, you get 10 free wings when you order 10.  I’m not promoting Hooters, but that’s what me and my single girlfriends are doing tomorrow in Fort Lauderdale!  It’s fun and a good way to go out and not feel like a bunch of single losers.  Ya never know who you’ll meet when you go out!

– Jade Trombetta, Senior Manager, Brand Marketing and Social Media 

#8

Misconception #287: You need a partner to Netflix and Chill. Pick a series and binge watch it all day. This is coincidentally also a great way to avoid the Couples Traffic that is occurring in the outside world. 10 seasons of Friends? Challenge accepted.

If one of your colleagues gets an embarrassing floral arrangement sent to their desk, suppress your eye-roll. You can be bitter all you want but it’s not going to bring a partner into your life in the next 24 hours. Suck it up and sip the vodka from your water bottle.

– Caleb Backe and I am a Health & Wellness Expert for Maple Holistics

#9

Although I’ve been happily remarried for 10+ years, I was a single mom for almost 20 years, before I met my husband.

While I firmly believe the number one best way to “survive” Valentine’s Day or any other major holiday as a single, is to create a life you love. In doing so, not only will you be much happier, as a result, you’ll set a shining example to others (married or single) that being single is just as great as being happily married.

One of the things about me that my husband said he found most attractive, was that I was a ‘take it or leave it’ kind of woman; i.e., ‘if it works out with you, great – if not, great. I’m good, either way’. In fact, if anything, this aspect of my personality made him want to impress me all the more.

– Mary Kaarto, Author & Speaker

So, if you are single today it’s not a death sentence and there is nothing wrong with you! You are merely being preserved for the promise and while you wait-enjoy you, love you.